It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
