Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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