I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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