nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
