Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
