she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
