I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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