A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
