I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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