this beer tastes like vomit already
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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