i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
