I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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