the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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