I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it's like heaven, but drunker
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
