i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Damn victory sex feels great
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