I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
