I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
