I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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