You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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