Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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