I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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