How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My breasts were aching with rage.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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