you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
