I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
