I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
