what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
