i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
