life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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