its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
