I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
