i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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