Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
