you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
