I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
