my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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