Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
