i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
