last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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