I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize