Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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