I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
