I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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