Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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