I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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