We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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