first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
