You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
