Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
