You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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