The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
